Life on being a homosexual.

Hey guys,

Want to hear something funny?

I am always one to fight homophobia. I think that it is ridiculous to hate someone like me for something that I cannot control. If I could change the way that I feel, I would, because believe me, life would just be a lot easier. People don't seem to understand that I did not wake up one day and decide, "Hmmm, I think I'm going to be gay today." It doesn't work that way!

My homosexual feelings are something that I had to hide for many years. It was horrible living a life that I knew was a lie, to a point where I felt that not living at all was a better option. You have no idea what a relief it was to actually take that one step out of the closet and declare to the world that I was different from them. Many people have hated me, many people still hate me, many people fear me, I have lost many friends because of it, and I have had my own family members turn their backs on me. Still, I feel that my losses have also been my strengthening. Many of my gay brothers and sisters have lost so much more because of it, including their lives. My heart, my thoughts, my mission, my life goes out to those people.

I once had a friend who told me something that at the time I did not understand: "There are two types of straight people out there. The ones that hate you to your face, and the ones that hate you to your back". Now, more than ever, I am starting to notice that this friend was on to something. Today is the day that my brothers and sisters all over the world are fighting for equality. Today is the day we have elected a president who, above any other president in our Nation's history, has suffered discrimination for something that he has no control over. I am fighting for my people's rights today. I am fighting for equality. I have noticed my friends' silence when the issue of gay marriage comes up. I have notice the silence when I asked many of my friends to participate in L.A. pride with me. I have noticed the silence when I am in need of comforting because a stranger in the street looks at me weird, followed by glares and whispers. I have noticed the silence when I am celebrating the 6th state that has allowed my people to pursue their happiness. I have noticed, readers, and I declare myself disappointed.

This message goes out to the people that see me as someone who is nothing but entertaining. People who have befriended me, believing that every girl in L.A. has to have a gay sidekick. To the friend that needs a shopping partner, advice on men, help with love, this message is for you!

I am disappointed in the fact that people who I have vacationed with, shared my heart with, slept in the same room with, and prayed with, will so easily turn around and vote yes on Prop. 8. Be warned, old friends, that the time is right for me to step away from the hate, and surround myself with people who think and love like me. We will unite, and we will conquer. We will walk, protest, march, and fight for our rights. I just pray, that those same people that will hate us, whether it be to our face or not, don't ever have to feel the hate of strangers who will never give you the opportunity to share your story.

I am on a mission to empower myself. I will never be silent. I will never stop fighting. As I sit here writing this, I wonder which one of my friends will fight with me. Continue with the hate friends. It only makes my mission all that more real and all that more motivating.

Always, in the true power of love,

Carlos Martinez